Chasing the Impossible: A Conversation with Adventurer Laura Killingbeck

Tansley Stearns: I am Tansley Stearns, and this is Despite Impossible. I am a long-time credit union executive, leading orsa credit union™ as president and CEO. I have always admired and been inspired by people whose passion is boundless and who don't comprehend the word impossible.

This show focuses on their stories. Today's guest is Laura Killingbeck. Laura is an independent explorer, adventurer, authentic listener, someone whose friends seek as a mediator, and she sees patterns in her journey and is inspired by nature in a genuine and unique way.

She is also a writer, trailblazer, and someone you'll want to add to your social media feed.

This is Laura's story.

People who know you best will describe you as?

Laura Killingbeck: I think people who know me best really describe me as a listener and a mediator. I really love hearing people. I love hearing the nuance in people's stories and seeing the patterns and how people are, and how they behave, and what their relationships are. So, I just love listening.

What is the simple pleasure in life that always brings you joy?

Laura: That's an easy one. So, I do a lot of hiking and Viking trips in the back country, and I always carry this tiny little twig stove. So, it's a fire stove that you have to light by gathering little twigs and building a tiny fire inside. And then that's how I cook my dinner every night. So, I have this ritual every time I get to my campsite, as I gather these twigs, light the fire, cook dinner. And it's just such a special time for me to just kind of be there and kind of sink into that moment and think about the day. So that's really something I really love.

What is something you do that to your self-admission, you consider to be weird?

Laura: Well, I have plenty of material for that. I have led a somewhat unconventional life. A few years ago when I transitioned my career towards becoming a writer, I was also spending a lot of time outdoors, doing long biking and hiking trips. And I really wanted to fuse the two things together. So, I created this little mobile office that has my phone and a little portable keyboard and a solar panel, and a tiny voice recorder. And I took that out on a long backpacking trip. And I would just work from the side of the trail. I would sit on like a rock or a tree stump, and I would do my work on my little computer setup. And I absolutely loved it. I still love doing that. But I think probably that kind of an office setup is maybe a little bit strange to most people. But I absolutely love doing that.

So great. When was the last time that you danced so hard that your feet were sore?

Laura: Oh, my goodness. So, I am caretaking a little cabin out in the desert right now. And it is absolutely beautiful out here, but very remote. And so, a lot of times in the evenings when I'm done with my workday, I'll just turn on some music and dance around the cabin. And I think it's just a great way to kind of unwind and be there in the evening, just hang out.

What's one thing people wrongly assume about you?

Laura: That's such an interesting question. Yeah, I think, you know, I am a very independent person. I do a lot of solo travel. I am very comfortable camping alone, biking, hiking alone. And I think sometimes there is this assumption when people see other people, but especially maybe women who are very independent, that maybe we're lonely all the time. Maybe there's something big missing in our lives and we've just got to be lonely. And I was afraid of that, too, at many points in my life. But what I've learned from actually living the life that I live is that it doesn't have to be lonely at all.

You're constantly forming really deep connections. I meet delightful people everywhere I go. I have really strong friendships that last a lifetime. And I also spend a lot of time in nature, which I think is an inherently connecting force. There's a deep sense of connection for me in nature. So, I don't think loneliness is a bad thing.

I think that everyone has to experience it in our lives in different ways. But I don't think that independence necessarily means that you're lonely. And that's something that I try to talk about a lot because it's a lesson that I've learned over time.

What do you enjoy doing that you don't get to do often?

Laura: Oh, wow. I think one of my favorite things to do is to camp out on the very top of a mountain and just sleep under the stars. And I haven't been doing that as much as I would like to these days because I've been spending more time closer to home, but that's something that I always enjoy.

What are you the go-to person for in your trusted circle?

Laura: Yeah, I think in my trusted circle, I'm the person that people go to mediate. I love to hear people, and I love to see the patterns in how people develop relationships with each other. And I think that makes me an interesting mediator.

Hopefully, it does. But I'm probably the person people call in to listen, and to try to come up with a solution to interpersonal conflicts. That's something that I'm really fascinated by, and I really love being able to offer that.

Who do you see demonstrating bravery today as a leader?

Laura: That's such a great question. I feel like leadership today requires so many of the skills that we see as soft skills, but are really hard. People really need to lead with a lot of empathy and a sense of connection. And I think that in a culture and in a space where that's not necessarily been the image of what leadership is, that to really inhabit that space, that connecting space, that empathetic space, I think that takes a lot of courage.

There's a lot of storytellers that I really admire right now who are leading with these visionary stories about how we can shape the world and shape ourselves.

I'm a huge fan of Prentice Hemphill, who writes about the relationship between social change and personal transformation. I love Sonia Renee Taylor, who wrote The Body Is Not An Apology, who talks about self-love and the way that we can develop this core sense of self, that we can really authentically inhabit. And Adrienne Maree Brown is a writer who I absolutely love. She wrote Emergent Strategy, which is all about authenticity and in social change. And so, I really enjoy that kind of storytelling.

I see it as a form of leadership that I really look up to. And I also see that at orsa, which is one of the things that I'm so excited about to be working with you, is the whole team that I've been working with just has this wonderful attitude towards connection and moving forward in a really robust way, but while seeing people as people. And I just admire that so much and I'm so happy to be a part of it.

Who haven't you seen perform live in concert that you've been planning to see but haven't yet?

Laura: Oh, I would love to see my friend, Hooly J. Hooly J. Chan is this puppeteer and musician who creates these fantastical grassroots performances back in Massachusetts. And I would love to see them perform any day. It's really a unique, very creative way of doing music.

What is one thing that inspires hope in you?

Laura: You know, this might sound like a strange answer, but I see hope everywhere in nature. I spend a lot of time outside. I spend a lot of time in the forest or in the desert or in mountains. And when I look at a cloud that's changing, that's changing shape, that's moving through the sky, that's becoming rain, that's becoming a river, and then the river is flowing, I feel like that transience is so powerful and so hopeful that when I'm outside, I think one of the things that I connect with so deeply in nature is this almost transcendent sense of hopefulness about life itself. And it's a constant reminder, and I think it's something that we all have access to, even if it's just a look at the window and looking at the way the world changes around us.

What role does gratitude play in your life?

Laura: I think of gratitude as just an understanding that we are here for a very short time. We are here on earth for such a short time, and we get to experience this life in a unique way. Everyone's life is new and different in some way. And I feel very grateful to be here all the time.

What's something on your bucket list that may surprise us?

Laura: Well, I'm working on a book right now, so I would love to finish that. That is definitely on the list for sure.

Do you know the title?

Laura: I have a few ideas. I don't know if I'm ready to share it yet, but thank you.

A good curiosity gap. Tell us about your Impossible, Laura.

Laura: I think my biggest Impossible has been to create a life and a livelihood that allows me to really be present to kind of the deep questions of life and what it means to be here on Earth.

From a really young age, I've always been kind of obsessed with this idea of what does it mean to be alive on the planet and to be present here and present with people. And so I left home when I was 18, kind of on this larger quest to kind of see the world and see what was out there.

I packed a big backpack full of camping gear and I spent a year hitchhiking across the US and Mexico by myself. And just listening to people's stories again, it's just everyone has a story to tell and everyone has a different perspective and angle on life. And so, I had this great experience as a teenager of just listening to a lot of different people's stories and hearing about their lives in ways that I never could have imagined. And after that year, I went back to college, I studied philosophy and sociology. And then I started doing these longer adventures, long distance cycling trips, long distance backpacking trips, often alone in backcountry scenarios in nature.

And I also worked for a long time in communities and education centers that were really trying to end climate change and really trying to understand what it means to be part of the world and have a positive impact.

So, I would go back and forth between these communities that were really intense. A lot of people living together with all these big ideas, trying to sort through these big ideas, and then I would go out for long periods of time out into nature by myself and kind of do that processing and process those situations and think about what I've learned.

I think that really kind of digging into what's meaningful has been the impossible thing because so much of our lives and society are not structured around that. So, really kind of digging into what's meaningful for me.

What's one thing you've learned about yourself while going through this impossibility?

Laura: Yeah. Well, I think one way of talking about that would be, there was this one moment when I was 18 and I was in Mexico hitchhiking, and I had jumped this freight train with this wonderful Mexican shoe shiner I'd met in the town square, and we jumped on this train. And I had this sort of, the car was open at the top, so we were lying in the bottom of the car, and the car was moving slowly, and we were looking up at the clouds. And it was this moment as a teenager where I was like, I'm the coolest, like, I'm so cool for jumping this train, everybody's going to think I'm an adventurer, and I was laying in the car and I was just like, oh my goodness, like, look at all these layers of myself that are almost like posturing right now, you know, posturing, trying to be this thing that somebody else wants me to be, or how I imagine that someone else wants me to be, or what will be cool, or what will look cool. And I had this moment on the train where I was just like, I never want to make choices for those reasons.

I want to make choices that are just so deeply authentic that I'm making them because I know they're the choice to make. I know that. And that moment on that freight train ended up sort of shaping my life and my thought process about why am I doing this? Why am I here? Why am I adventuring? And how does that really reflect on the core self that I want to develop?

What do you look forward to most in the next 12 months?

Laura: Oh, my goodness. I'm so excited for the campaign that we're planning. The Choose The Bear Tour. This is just… I am thrilled by it. It's absolutely a dream project.

I'm going to be biking around Michigan and visiting different nonprofit partners of orsa that are doing some absolutely amazing work to help women develop a larger sense of agency and financial freedom, especially women who are leaving toxic relationships and abusive relationships.

I think that this is an area of the population that we really often think of as maybe not having a lot of options, but really in that moment when people are in a very vulnerable space, I think that is the moment when they really can step into their power and really find that sense of courage and agency. And I'm so excited to be part of that campaign.

I know it's going to be really powerful. And I'm really excited to listen to women's stories and listen to the power that they have, the courage that they have. I mean, these are extraordinary people.

When you leave a toxic relationship or an abusive relationship, it requires you to become such a powerful person and to step into that. And I'm so excited to see that happening.

Me too. What's your next Impossible, my friend?

Laura: Well, for anyone who's ever worked on a book, it's definitely impossible. So that is my bucket list and also my next Impossible. I'm really excited about the book I'm writing. It's about my adventure life, and it's also really about the process of going out into the world and experiencing myself as a person who is female in a world that doesn't always see me in the way that I would like to be seen. And so I'm just slowly plugging away on it. It's a fun project and it's impossible. But I will get it done.

Tansley: Okay, so the co-dependence between independence and loneliness. I have a terrible fear of loneliness, and I spend time talking about it in therapy at least once a month, if not more than that. And I think I have made some bad choices in my life because of that fear. So, as I listen to Laura and am inspired by people like Laura and others, I think that getting over that fear is an important part of my journey.

I can't speak for other people, but I do think it's important. For me, those two things haven't been particularly interconnected because I see myself as being very independent, sometimes wildly independent, probably to my detriment, and so for me, those two things have been divorced and I can see how it would be really interesting if they were more closely tied for others. They haven't been for me.

So, Laura mentioned this idea of soft skills, and we talk about those as power skills at orsa, and I don't take any credit for that, that came from our team. And to me, it's so important to reframe power skills because my perspective having spent over 25 years in roles leading up to and now in leadership is that, what we have framed as soft skills that we see as power skills are the hardest things. And my perspective is that those that can really hone in on power skills, and I think most importantly remain curious enough and driven enough to improve on those every day, are those that are going to be the most successful as we think about the future of work.

What I do know to be true is that part of what makes power skills so challenging is that you're never done. There is no finish line to human connection and what it takes to be empathetic, lead with humility, challenge your foibles, and be curious enough to surround yourself with people that are 100x better than you. And doing that, I think, requires, in my opinion, a commitment to self-improvement that is really hard and feels painful at times.

So, the question is about what choices I've made in my life that likely, at least at the onset, were about someone else. And I am embarrassed to say this, and I would say largely the majority of the choices I've made in life have been driven by someone else. I would say even my career.

Now, I think there has been a moment in the last seven years where I do think that I have taken more agency. And in work that I'm doing deeply around my own improvement as a human, started to shift away from that. And I would say that I have been working very hard to be a people pleaser from the time I was very little. And I think even when you look at the early days of my career, it was about making sure that I was everything that my dad thought that I should be. And being a perfectionist, worrying deeply about how I look, worrying deeply about what others think of me.

You know, even things like language, you know, part of it is around, you know, I care deeply about other human beings. And I'm always concerned about what's around the corner and who's going to say what. And I do think that that's part of what makes this current role that I'm in very challenging is that there is a focus on every word that you probably, I didn't see coming. And so, as a people pleaser, the truth is in this job, I'm never gonna, in any job, you're never gonna please everyone.

In this job, there's a heightened sense of scrutiny that I didn't know would be so acute. And for people pleaser, that's really hard. What I can say is that, you know, my journey in therapy and to improve my own mental health has been a lot about how do you do what I think Laura talks about, which is start to get to a place where you understand your value and that my value is not about being a CEO. My value is not about the way my hair looks. My value is not about whether or not I stumbled on a word. And, you know, what I will say to you about my therapist that I have appreciated so much is that his language to me has often been about why do you treat yourself in a way that you would never treat another human being.

This concludes today's episode. For exclusive content, visit us at despiteimpossible.com and subscribe to this podcast.